Heroes, they don’t mean a thing to you…

25 07 2008

I haven’t written much recently, partly because I’ve been surprisingly busy for someone unemployed, and partly because I’ve just been lazy. As if to continue this laziness theme, I was reading The Times today, and one of the opinion columns. Written by Hugo Rifkind (already a good name!), I was thoroughly engaged, so thought I would share his piece with you. He makes some very pertinant points and ones which I believe to be well worth considering. Anyway:

Batman. Again. Since I was a child, I have been annoyed by Batman. Not, please understand, in a personal way. Batman did not sit behind me in class, flicking my ears. His searchlight does not disturb my sleep. No, I’m annoyed by the very essence. His handle. In a nutshell, I am annoyed by his glaring failure, in any way, to resemble a bat.

Batman, Batman, does absolutely nothing that a bat can. He’s a fraud. He can’t fly, he can’t hang upside down, he can’t navigate around a darkened room by going “eeep”, nothing. He’s bugger all like a bat. He just has those stupid bloody ears, that aren’t even plumbed into his head. And it’s not even consistent. The Dark Knight? A knight bat? A bat on a horse? What?

Hey, credit where it is due. At least Christian Bale’s stupid bat-costume lets him look over his shoulder. Most others don’t. Watching Michael Keaton fight hammy thugs in a rainy alleyway, you might have thought that Gotham City was being defended by Jools Holland. Why? Bats have necks. That’s basically all they are from the teeth down; necks with wings and feet. Why take away Batman’s neck? It’s as bizarre as his weaponry. At least give the man fangs, for God’s sake. A belt? You’re putting a bat in a belt? Is somebody drunk?

Even Catwoman had claws. The only excuse Batman could possibly have for being called Batman would be if he were actually biologically a bat, but with mannish characteristics, as opposed to (allegedly) the reverse. And even then, he ought to be Manbat. But he’s not a bat. He’s nothing like a bat. I’m sick of it.

All that said, I still really want to see the new movie, if not for Heath Ledger’s star turn then for the return of Two-face.

Oh, and for bonus points, who can tell me where the title line to this post comes from? I’ll be kind a give you a clue, it’s a song.




One response

20 08 2008

RE song-it’s not Honest Mistake is it? or did I totally mishear those lyrics?
Gah, I need to see that movie but can’t due to the fact I have no friends 😦

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